Pro-MALE ART!!

The Penis COMEBACK Monologue

Seth, Ted, and John were all sitting in a bar, drinking beers. They were all young, handsome, intelligent men. Seth was the thinner, more offbeat one. Ted was more sporty and outgoing. John was the old-fashioned, rugged man of the group. It was the day after Valentine’s Day. Ted and John had just stated what they did for the holiday.

            “How about you, Seth?” Ted asked. “What did you do, yesterday?”

            “My girlfriend took me to see the Vagina Monologues,” Seth answered.

            “Ah, really?” John asked. “How was that? A bunch of women complaining about themselves?”

            “No,” Seth said.

            “Say, how come there isn’t a Penis Monologues?” Ted asked.

            They all laughed.

            “’Don’t need one,” John declared. “We all talk enough about penis already.”

            “Oh yeah?” Seth asked.

            “Yeah,” John answered. “’Cause the penis rules, man!”

            “YEAH!” Ted and John cheered their beer bottles to it, but Seth declined.

            “Actually, it was interesting last night,” Seth said.

            “Yeah? What’d you learn?” Ted asked.

            Seth took a swig of his beer.

            “Well, at one point they said the female clitoris is actually much more sensitive than the penis,” Seth said.

            Ted and John listened.

            “In fact, by the end of the night—I really felt bad for us men,” Seth said, looking down.

            Ted and John looked at each other.

            “Oh, come on,” said John.

            Seth kept drinking, and found himself repeating the stories he had heard from the previous night. Ted and John listened, drinking more and more too.

            “It sounds like women really have it made,” said Seth. “I mean—did you know they are capable of full-body orgasms—not just the small ones we men have in our crotch? And they can last much longer. And they can have multiple ones! Geez! Us men only have one small orgasm, and we’re done! Am I right? “

            “Well, it’s alright,” Ted said.

            “And it doesn’t stop there,” Seth confided. “I did more research online last night after the show, and I heard that women might even be able to EJACULATE! And maybe even more than us manly men do! They even got us beat, at the one thing we CAN do! Fuck!”

            “Woa , woa, man!” John said. “Calm down. How do you even know that’s true? I’ve never seen it.”

            “Yeah…” Ted said.

            “I’m tellin’ ya,” Seth continued. “Women have us men beat. All these years, I thought it was so great being a man, with a penis between my legs—turns out, women have it even better down there, by multitudes.”

            “Man, I guess I always kind of wondered how it felt like for a woman,” Ted admitted. “Sometimes it looks they’re having so much more fun than us guys.”

            “Oh come on, guys,” John held strong. “Don’t say that.”

            “You’re saying you never thought about it?” Ted asked him.

            “I like my DICK, guys,” John protested.

            “Well, me too…” said Ted. “But you heard what Seth said.”

            Seth cleared his throat. He’d had a lot to drink, as the other guys did. “You know, sometimes I wish I were a woman.”

            Ted and John stared at him.

            “I would have SO much fun, just fingering myself down there, and I’d feel so much MORE than I ever would, as a MAN,” Seth said.

            John sighed in disgust. “And I supposed YOU would, too, Ted?”

            Ted didn’t say anything.

            “You too, are somethin’ else,” he said. “I think we’ve all had too much to drink. Let’s call it a night, guys.”

            Since they had too much to drink, they all shared a cab home. They decided to crash at Seth’s place.

            The next morning, something strange happened… all three men woke up with vaginas! Seth found out first when he went to go pee. He woke up Ted and John, who also found their private parts replaced with a complete vagina.

            A strange envelope sat in the center of Seth’s coffee table. They opened it. In it, was a letter that read:

“Dear Men, you have been granted a wish to feel what it’s like to have a female orgasm. You will have a vagina for the next seven days and seven nights. If by the seventh night, you wish to have your penis returned—simply write it down and sign your name, and place in this envelope. If you wish to keep your vagina, simply leave it as is.”

            Seth was very excited. In fact, he almost shed tears of happiness.

            Ted was admittedly curious to try it out.

            John was not excited, but figured he could try it too—as long as he had the option of getting his penis back.

            The three of them spent the day right away, trying to get an orgasm with their new private parts.

            …And the next day. John got bored.

            …And the next day. Ted was getting tired.

            …And the next day. Even Seth was starting to feel restless.

            They tried everything—all the sex toys they could find, porno magzines, movies… but by the fourth day, they soon grew tired. No orgasms.

            “I miss peeing standing up,” said John. “And it’s hard keeping it—fresh—down there. I liked having a big clean thing that hangs down there instead!”

            “I’m so fucking horny, and I can’t COME!” yelled Ted. “Where’s the release?”

            “I got really close a couple of times, I swear,” Seth said. “But then—nothing!”

            “NOW do you think it’s so bad to have a PENIS?” John asked.

            “Well, we still have three more days,” said Seth.

            “Oh give it up,” said John. “I’m ready to have my DICK back. Thank God. How about you, Ted?”

            “But why did they say women have such great orgasms?” Ted asked. “I mean, it’s definitely really sensitive down there, but it just hurts more than it feels good!”

            “Tell me about it,” John said. “It SUCKS, guys.”

            “I’m not giving up yet,” Seth said.

            John sighed. He’d had enough. “That’s IT, man. How long are you going to be in denial? Having a penis is GREAT. Just admit it! We wouldn’t be sitting here, bitching about not getting off, if we still had our man penises! It works every time, and it feels FUCKING AWESOME! I love having something DANGLING between my legs, that I can actually GRAB every which way, and pull and stroke, and squeeze til I can barely stand it any longer, and then I fucking COME—and it feels like the best thing on earth. ‘Cause it is! Why do you think every man on earth loves his penis so much?”

            “Well, he’s got a point,” Ted said.

            “Come to think of it,” Seth said. “When I was doing more research on female orgasms last night—I read about a scientific study that said not ALL women can have orgasms. It’s determined by their genes, sometimes. So it’s not always possible for them to have an orgasm…”

            “See! There you go, man. Get your facts straight next time. Stop buying into MYTHS, LIES and PROPOGANDA,” John said. “Penis rules.”

            That night, all three men signed a note saying they wanted their penises back, and placed it in the envelope.

            The next morning, they woke up with their same penises again. They had never been so happy to have a PENIS! They each were so happy, they spent the day enjoying the pleasures of it. They realized their penises were perfect just as they were. They realized the greatest pleasure they could ever have in life, was right there between their legs.

            “In a way, I guess I always kind of knew having a penis was awesome,” said Seth. “I mean, it’s the perfect shape and size, and right there between my legs. And it’s just the RIGHT amount of sensitivity, you know? It makes it perfect for stimulation every time! THAT’s what we men got! It always makes me feel good, man. Always. I love it.”

            So there you have it, MEN. Don’t ever let anyone make you feel bad for having a PENIS. It’s perfect as it is. It’s exactly what we need, just the way it is! If you ever wonder what it’s like for the “other” sex, just remember: it’s not better than what you already have. You’re perfect the way you are, with your penis. It’s nature’s gift to us MEN.

            ROCK ON!

            P.S. Every year from then on, Seth, Ted, and John celebrated having a PENIS, the day after Valentine’s Day. They even typed up this story, and printed out—and handed it out to any men they saw who were dragged to the Vagina Monologues!